Highway character lessons

These days I find myself spending an incredible amount of time in my mini-van. I currently have two children enrolled in two different schools, one attending morning classes and one attending afternoon classes. I have a child taking piano lessons, groceries that require purchasing, and Church to get to every week. I have at least one family member heading to a doctors appointment every week, at least one child invited to a playdate or birthday party at any given moment, and book club, exercise class, or Bible Study just to keep my sanity. Just wait till basketball and swimming start back up!

As I have been spending more time in my vehicle, I am coming to realize that God is either trying to teach me something in the character department or truly does get his comic relief from watching me interact with the other great drivers of Colorado Springs.

I am proud to say that I have learned a few lessons recently.

Lesson 1: If you have a fish on your car I will do my best to stay far away from you, because you are probably driving 10 miles under the speed limit, come to complete stops, and graciously allow ever single driver in ahead of yourself. You will probably have a special place in Heaven along with those people who never lose library books, eat the recommended 12 servings of vegetables a day, and really don't talk on your phone in the carpool line at school. Yes, I realize you probably do all of those things as well.

Lesson 2: Girls just wanna have fun! There seem to be a lot of Coloradan girls out there who are young, have great hair, have an amazing talent to text and erratically weave, I mean drive, at the same time and apply makeup all behind the wheel of trucks with bumper stickers on the back mocking boys. The more I am on the road, the more I am astounded at the young female talent in our city!

Lesson 3: If there is a friendly officer on the side of the road reprimanding another fellow driver, everyone will slam on his breaks to avoid the inactive radar gun sitting in the back seat of the car with flashing lights just in case the officer magically guesses your speed and feels it is more important to abandon the 3 pages of paperwork he has just completed on the already stopped car in front of him, to track you down and give you what you've had coming for several miles now. Granted there may be a few ADD people who honestly forgot they were driving when they saw the pretty flashing lights on the side of the road and the gas pedal is the last thing on their mind at the moment.

Lesson 4: If you think I'm crazy on the road just wait! I have 4 boys who will eventually be allowed out on the streets with a scary little card containing their name and picture! I think I shall start a petition to up the age of legal driving to...oh 25.

Who shot Humpty??

When I was a kid, my mom sewed us these super cute dresses. She made these quilts which people bought for lots of money. She made the cutest cakes for our birthdays. My dad painted these awesome pictures. He could draw anything!

Last year in Micah's preschool class, these mom's would make these flowers and objects carved from fruit and amazingly detailed bunny's out of cupcakes for their kids' birthday's. Valentines day found these amazing homemade valentines in my child's basket, and at Halloween one mom admitted after thousands of compliments that yes she did make the amazing gypsy costume her daughter could have won awards it and was up at 6 to do her hair!

I tried to honor my mother by sewing one time, now my husband saves up his patching needs until my mom comes to visit. I tried drawing, my kids thought my dog was an alien. For birthday's I bought a giant cookie and had them write my child's name across it. For Halloween, my kids wear whatever costume I find on sale at Walmart.

This Monday Micah informed me that they were supposed to wear nursery rhyme costumes to school on Thursday, and I broke out in a cold sweat when I saw the words "homemade strongly encouraged" on the paper. Strongly encouraged is not mandatory and I was convinced that if I did try next years paper would read "homemade strongly encouraged, except for Micah's mom". My dear son had his heart set on Humpty Dumpty so I began scouring stores and websites for the perfect costume. It didn't exist, and with two days to go I decided I better start looking at EASY ways to make a costume, GULP.

I found some rather simple instructions and set out to find white sweats for my little broken egg character. No one in their right mind dresses little kids in white, therefore no one carries anything in solid white. After 4 stores and 3 screaming kids, 1 leaking diaper, and a husband who was muttering inappropriate language under his breath, I found white leggings....in the girls section.

I took Micah into the dressing room and tried on the white shirt with the leggings. All was good until he noticed the thin line of lace around the ankles. "What is that??" he hollered. "is this girls pants??" The store associate who had helped me locate them could be heard laughing hysterically outside the stall.

I hauled my howling son out of the dressing room and paid for the lacy leggings and listened to threats from my five-year-old about running away from home all the way to the house. I sat down right away with the T-shirt paint to fashion a little Humpty bow tie. Hmm maybe I could do this. My husband walked by and leaned over to look at my work, putting his arm right smack dab in the middle of the red paint, smearing Humpty's suspenders and making it look like he was shot off the wall instead of falling.

As I tried to quick wash out the extra red spots, I realized the manilla envelope I had put underneath was bleeding into the white shirt creating a yellow spot with a red center. Uh oh Humpty's yoke was spilling from his bullet hole! Kevin sweetly encouraged me saying "its really not that bad for your first time."

I gave up and went to bed.

This morning I wrestled my 45 pound child into the lacy egg white leggings while he insisted that everyone would laugh at him and he would not get out of bed tomorrow if I made him wear them.

Micah assured me that every picture of Humpty had him dressed neatly in blue pants so we gave it a try. Notice the much happier expression on my stubborn kids face.

I am sadly outnumbered in my vote for the white egg like leggings. Oh well at least my kid will have some sort of costume tomorrow along with the rest of Mother Gooses cuties. And hey, I got to shop in the girls section at Old Navy for once!

Expendable...um extended family members

Recently we hesitantly, tentatively, squeamishly, under much force of pleading, decided to expand our family. (Um no I'm not talking about the growing watermelon that has turned me into a small whale)

We inherited two female guinea pigs. Or as they have been most affectionately called by myself, freaky little rats.

I found myself having a conversation with Kevin a few days ago along these lines. Kevin: "hon I think the guinea pigs are hungry." Me: "really? I fed them like....oh 4 days ago." Kevin: "I think they have to eat ever day!" Me: "but they are little, they shouldn't have to eat so much!" Kevin: "Shell, you know that when the baby's born even though he's little he'll have to eat like every 2 hours right???"

I know nothing about these things except I probably should feed them more and they like to run around their cage at the most intense parts of movies and the darkest times of night.

My boys think they are the coolest! Micah will sit and hold them and pet them and talk to them and thinks its dumb that they have to have names like "sugar" and "honey" and has renamed them "Tom" and "Jerry". The other night I heard him laughing hysterically. I came out to find him crouched over the cage trying not to wet himself as he held his sides and doubled over. I asked him what in the world he was doing. He told me that if you only give them one carrot they chase each other and play tug of war with it. The squeals that were coming from them did not sound normal. Yeah I think we need to feed them more. This is now Micah's favorite feature of our new family members. That they fight!

Kyler loses interest pretty fast if they don't do something cool right away. He has discovered if you growl at them they go running to hide. They become much more interesting to him if he can catch them emptying their bowels. I am somewhat concerned about the number of times I have had to remind him that we cannot let them out of their cage to play hide and seek at will throughout the entire house, or the number of "what would happen if we put them....." questions I answer every day.

Caleb's approach to the little rodents is, "Lets see what else she'll eat!!" If it fits between those little wires, its fair game!! Legos, cd covers, cards, you name it! Recently my little explorer has discovered the amazing joy of watching things fly down the stairs. The bigger the object the faster and louder and bigger the hole in the wall at the bottom and he loves it! This particular cage is supported by wheels. The cage sits several yards away from the stairs, but that is not an obstacle for this determined experimenter. Fortunately I have always discovered the "maiden voyage" before it takes off.

These animals came to us from a very sweet family of older, calmer, quieter kids who would take the time to sit and pet and spoil them. Every once in a while I catch the "rats" looking at me, and I can't decide if its hunger or sheer terror that is staring at me through those beady little eyes. I really hope the people who entrusted us with their tender loving care never read this blog!

Firsts

I have had a lot of firsts recently, and some, I hope, are onlys. Like chicken pox... twice.... after having vaccinations. Or camping....pregnant! A couple of weeks ago Micah had his first day of Kindergarten. After watching his mommy go through an inhumane amount of Kleenex leading up to the actual day, he sweetly requested on the way to his first day of class, that if I had to cry, I could only cry a few drops, after all he wouldn't' be gone too long and he would miss me too. This resulted in a whole box of used Kleenex.

His brother followed me around for the first week, asking me what I was doing, begging me to play dinosaurs with him, and pestering his little brother just to see if he could set a new record on how loud he could get him to scream. He informed me with exasperation one afternoon that he couldn't go play since he had no Micah's!

God smiled at me when I cried every day for the first week as I watched my little, tiny, big boy climb out of the car with his slightly too big backpack bouncing on his back, and head confidently into school. So to remind me why it really was a good thing that 5 year olds leave their mommy's for 3 or 4 hours every day to learn stuff they may or may not remember a year from now, he gave me a week of chicken pox.

As we spent the week disappointed about the school activities we were missing, watching a ridiculous amount of Veggie Tales, and breaking records on things to fight over, I found myself asking when he could go back to school and I could cry from missing him yet again.

Today I kissed my second boy as he looped his little back pack straps over his arms and headed off into the exciting new world of crayon wrappers and glue sticks. As he looked up at me and said "I'll really miss you mommy" I was convinced he was only making sure that he could squeeze tears out of me as efficiently as his big brother did.

The knock you over hug I got from him when I picked him up assured me that he really did miss me, and made me feel like all those spankings over looked, all those imaginary friends I brushed teeth for, every 20 goodnight kisses each night, were worth it.

My very wise mother assured me today that there really was no way of slowing time down, instead I needed to treasure every moment. I think I will take her advice as my 5 year old reminded me, that my 1 year old baby gets to go to preschool next!

Queen Me

Today I had pictures taken of my insides. In my insides was this squirming little human being! Little toes made themselves very familiar with a blob that was labeled "bladder", and little arms tried to come through my belly button. I have experienced this unique photo opportunity more than once in my life, but it never really loses its wonder.

The lady doing the ultrasound kept commenting on how active this little one was, and how big it was, things my bladder and ligaments really didn't want to hear! She commented on its head, heart, spine, kidneys and toes, before I finally looked at her and blurted out "yes, cute toes, what's between them???"

She responded with this shot, blown up nice and large on a TV screen for no one to miss.

"Oh that" was what came out of my mouth. You see this has been the very proud display of each of my tumbling intrauterine blessings.

My dear doctor who, just last visit was flipped off by my charming 4-year-old as he proudly displayed a hurt finger, asked me if I thought this one was displaying temperaments like that of any of my other boys. I think she wanted to be prepared for anymore surprise gestures when she opens me up to pull this trying-to-keep-up-with-my-big-brothers angel out.

Speaking of those big brothers, they have already discussed the benefits of 4 wii controllers for 4 brothers and who will win Mario Kart more often.

I think its safe to say they are cool with adding another male to their tribe, although Kyler has informed me that this addition can't have his dinosaur shirt since he plans to just keep stretching it so he never outgrows it.

I have been asked if I am disappointed. My answer is yes and no. I am disappointed that the great deal I got on the pink suede coat last year will now become a great shower gift (all you having girls, feel free to send me an invite to your showers; its adorable!) but I love how close my boys are to each other, and I can't think of a better way to grow up than having your best friends surrounding you and always there for you. Plus now I still get to pee in public by myself, and Kevin has to haul 4 boys into the stall and groan as they talk about how far they can pee and who stinks the worst loud enough for the restaurant next door to hear!

The Wonderful World of Boy

Before I had kids whenever I pictured myself being a mom I pictured myself being surrounded by cute little girls all in dresses, hair in bows and ribbons doing ballet, having tea parties and painting fingernails. Little girl giggles and princess stories and sweet flowery smells painted my senses. Its not that I didn't want boys, nor did I think I wouldn't have any, I just pictured these perfect little cherubs as my offspring. And then I had a boy...and another one....and another one.

My life has never been the same. Instead of dresses my laundry consists of dinosaur shirts and jeans with huge holes in them, even the brand new ones. The hair usually has sand and jelly in it, there is not a bow to be found in my house. Ballet is karate and tea parties have been replaced by food fights. There are, however, plenty of giggles especially at suspicious noises followed by smells that would wilt any flowers.

I must admit I have laughed more and rolled my eyes more and been more thankful than I ever have in my whole life, with these loud, dirty, rowdy treasures filling my home. My boys proudly display their bruises and scars and know exactly what happened to achieve them. They know who can pee the farthest standing at the top of the swing set. They have memorized all of their favorite dinosaur movies and wrestling is inevitable no matter how loud I yell to cut it out. This is one of my favorite descriptions of boys: Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it. ~Not Your Average Dictionary

My typical day usually includes three spills, minimum, 5 episodes of my heart completely stopping in pure terror as I watch a child jump over the railing at the top of the stairs and pray he makes the 12 feet without breaking anything or as I try to figure out what went up the nose this time, or who is locked in the washing machine. It includes at least 5 lectures on why you can't take your swimming trunks off standing by the pool, on why you can't tell strangers I am not your mommy, on why you can't put anything other than DVD's in the DVD player just to name a few.

But my day always holds 5 or 6 sticky kisses, hugs that sometimes make me worry I won't be able to turn my head for days, and "I love you's" in all shapes and sizes. It includes compliments, like "you look like a princess" and "your just as fun as daddy is!" And when my kid is wearing the goalie jersey and is picking his nose letting the soccer ball fly over his head into the goal I couldn't be prouder or love life more no matter that there are no tutu's or Swan Lake.

True my dreams of shopping trips and pedicures, have been replaced with the rodeo and baseball games, movie night will probably never hold romantic comedies, and I will have to learn how to handle the countless ulcers that come with the amazing daring adventures my boys set out on. I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds! Who knows, there might be bows in my future yet....

Is that a giant octopus in my bathtub?

When I became a mom my goal was to be the best mom ever. Oh and never ever yell. After a while my goal became to be a very good, above average mom and only yell when it was a very serious situation. After I had my second son, my goal became to be a good mom and I left out any and all yelling goals. My goal has evolved into "keep them alive" and it would be a bonus if they left home with all appendages still attached with minimal life long marks on their bodies. Oh and don't lose my voice from yelling more than twice a week.

Every once in a while, I have been accused of being paranoid, but lets face it, these people weren't there the time my then 3-year-old managed to almost drown in swim class, or had to dig french fries, peanuts, or legos from body parts, or been in the urgent care because a toilet caused a lost fingernail, or dancing broke a foot. My children have a unique and uncanny ability to create very reasonable circumstances for paranoia. Even my last unborn child managed to work his cord into a knot which could have created any number of complications, not one productive to my goal of keeping him alive. So I may be guilty of imagining giant caterpillars snatching my children up, or worrying about a meteor shower over my house, or having an exit plan if giant bees suddenly invaded my vehicle while we were in it.

Thankfully I have been lead to or stumbled across countless number of very practical and helpful resources that have given me courses of action or information that I can put to use in my goal of keeping my children alive. There are to many to put into a blog, to many anyway to keep anyone's attention and prevent them from falling asleep and smashing their head into their computer screen, but I have been asked about these resources by my amazing mommy friends who have somehow managed to learn how to lose their voice from screaming much less than I have, and have decided to highlight a few of my favorites here.

The first one is the one that helped ease my fears of an invisible suit being invented and my children being kidnapped before my very eyes by an invisible bad guy. "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker

I highly recommend this book to all parents. Its very practical and actually helps you eliminate fears instead of creating new ones (a myth that kept me from reading this book for a while). Now I feel confident in having plans if alien lifeforms in the form of my children's friends tried to brainwash them; ok so he doesn't actually cover that exact scenario....

The next one, though somewhat controversial in my circle of friends is still one I think all parents need to read, even if they decide to follow the typical recommended timeline for child vaccinations. I believe its our job to at least stay informed on how to protect our children from illnesses and protecting them from the various forms of protection against illness. The book is "The Vaccine Book" by Dr. Robert W. Sears.

My first two kids had very few side effects from vaccinations, therefore I never thought twice about giving them whatever my doctor recommended. When Caleb was born he had every single side effect. The nurse would tell me, "oh don't worry only like 1 in a gajillion babies has this reaction." and later that day I was calling the nurse to let her know she was safe for the next gajillion kids since my kid was the 1! My doctor has been 100% supportive in letting me choose which vaccines to give when and I am so thankful for that!

The last one that I will talk about here is "The Minds of Boys" by Michael Gurian.

This book is awesome for parents of boys. I tend to believe that my children are rare little geniuses, but I still worry about what might happen if it turns out that the time my husband dropped the baby down the stairs at 2 month old left permanent damage, or if the son that thinks glue sticks can double as suckers can't remember that C always comes after B. This book is awesome in promoting a learning environment as early as in the womb. It has great tips on getting your child in the right schools and institutions, how to handle problems, even what foods are best for breakfast so boys can focus better in the classroom. Again a very practical book that can offer some reasonable information and action plans for making sure your boys succeed in becoming all they can be.

There are so many more wonderful resources out there, and if you have some that you recommend let me know. Currently I am still searching for books on selective hearing, how to be a millionaire as a stay-at-home-mom instead of broke, and any books on remedies for getting your voice back quick. Who knows I might end up writing a book on proper Urgent Care decorum!