Mommy moments that bring tears (and sobbing and wailing) to your eyes

Ever since I discovered my love of blogging, I have people ask me if the stories I share are true. Yes people, amazingly I am not imaginative enough to come up with these things on my own. Believe me, I kind of wish I was so I didn't have to necessarily experience EVERY one.

Yesterday I had two occasions that brought tears to my eyes. Firsts that I won't soon forget, and I have the pictures to remind me of these moments when I get old and can't remember if my recliner or the porcelain throne is where I sit to pee.

My oldest baby had his first piano recital. His name was third on the program and when the second child finished up we cued the video recorder and camera and moved into the aisle eagerly awaiting our beaming child's face in the view finders. We waited, and we waited, and then we checked the program to make sure he really was next. Finally his teacher leaned across the aisle and reminded him that it was his turn. We heard an exclaimed "Oh!" before he catapulted on stage at a speed that was rather impressive. So focused was he on getting to the piano and keeping things moving, he forgot to pause and announce his name and song.

He opened his piano book and played "Jingle Bells" without missing a single key. The greatest part was, his eyes never even glanced at the page in front of him. He found our camera's and beamed his way through his memorized music, before launching himself back into his seat. I have never been prouder!

After the recital reception where one child wiped Christmas cookie frosting all over his daddy, and another sat down in the middle of the food line to scarf down chocolate fudge, and I embarrassed myself by asking a woman who ended up not being pregnant when she was due, we loaded our children and our lovely first impression into the car and headed home to create a ginger bread house.

At home, my three kids all crowded together on one 3 foot kitchen chair to be the first to get their hands on the gingerbread pieces. Of course some one got pushed and some one else hit back and some one else fell off the chair, smashing their face into the hard wood kitchen floor.

Well the one on the floor unfortunately happened to be the 1 year old. As Kevin held him and I tried to wipe the blood from him face, I realized part of his lip was not in the same place that it had previously been in. I started crying. Caleb had nothing on my wails. The other kids, convinced their brother must be dying judging from my body shaking sobs, joined in the chorus.

Kevin looked at me and said, "Hon, you have to calm down". With tears soaking my shirt and on a hiccup, I wailed, "this is calm!" We all climbed in the car and made our way to Urgent Care. The nurse who checked our drooling, bloodied, baby in, commented that she remembered taking care of Kyler when he had his toilet injury. Must they tell us that every time we come in??

The urgent care staff took one look at the lip and directed us to the ER. I think the only reason they did that was so they didn't have to deal with my hysterical hiccups and questions about life long scarring on my poor babies face.

The older two were wonderfully passed off to Grandma, and we made ourselves comfortable in the waiting room of an amazingly crazy Emergency Room. We were joined by these parents who came in and sat down across from us. Their teenage son had decided to take a spin on his motorcycle around the neighborhood, minus a helmut and wearing house slippers. The end result was a rather fun road rash and ankle injuries that required local anesthesia to fix. They didn't just talk about this incident though, no they felt the need to reminisce about all of his antics. By the time they were called back into their son's room, I was hyperventilating and with horror I squeaked to my husband, "How will we ever keep 4 boys alive????"

I have worried about the grocery bill once we have 4 teenage boys in the house. No longer does that keep me awake. How the heck will we afford 4 boys' emergency co-pays???

After a record setting wait, they gave my 18 month old versed, a drug that made him think he was a puppy, discover amazing new qualities in his toes, and caused rather drunk giggles at random moments, after loudly calling for his daddy. We left the ER at 1am with 4 stitches in his little lip. My sweet Caleb is definitely Kyler's brother.

And so we add stitches to our last three weeks of contractions, infections, stomach viruses, and dead guinea pigs. I came home and fell asleep around 2am. I dreamed that I disfigured my face, payback for letting my baby acquire life long marks on his perfect little lip.

Turkeys, Tummys and Toddlers

In almost 9 years of marriage I have never cooked a Thanksgiving meal. Thank goodness both families contain good cooks and we are with one or the other every year. This year the plan was to experience my grandmothers amazing cooking and eat ourselves into comas. The day before we planned to leave, my unborn youngest decided that he did not want to miss out on Grandma Troyer's cooking and has been doing his best to break out of his little cocoon. To discourage his early arrival, I am supposed to be taking it easy and not straying far from our hospital. I even have a prescription ordering Kevin to change all diapers. That part almost makes the contractions worth it!

After panicking at the thought of cooking a turkey, and deciding that I didn't want my water breaking at a restaurant, I sat down with my Sunday paper and clipped every Thanksgiving looking coupon I had before loading my kids into the car and heading out at what I thought would be a fairly slow shopping time of the day. Not two days before Thanksgiving.

I parked in the last spot at the back of the parking lot and hiked my way into the grocery store. I found my potatoes after standing in line for the potato bin. That was my first clue that this was not going to be a fast in and out trip.

Next stop was the turkeys. Seriously it was like black Friday for turkeys. Every time I found one small enough for me to lift and less than $50.00 someone snatched the thing out from under me. My oldest asked me why they put the dead turkeys in a net. I told him so they wouldn't run away.

Next I, along with the 50 people pressed in around me, heard the stocking guy mention that their shipment of oven bags never came in. Well I had a coupon for one of those so I scrambled to the bin and grabbed one of the last ones. I didn't even feel bad when a lady looked at me in shock since it was the one she was going for. After all she had my first pick of a turkey.

I had a coupon for broth. My mother-in-law always has broth on the counter when she cooks Thanksgiving dinner. I bought two just in case. No clue what she uses it for, but I got it and I got it on sale with a coupon. What does it go in???

I also had a coupon for sparkling cider. The aisles were lined with sparkling cider, just not the brand of my coupon. I walked up and down the same aisle 3 times before finding 3 of them...on the top shelf...at the very back. I thought about dropping the coupon on the floor and walking away, but I had already come so far. I made a spot on the bottom shelf for me to step up. Unfortunately I forgot about the middle shelf and my bulging belly and when I stepped up on the shelf, grapefruit juice went flying! About this time my youngest's shoe hit its perfectly aimed mark; his brothers head. Do I pick up the rolling juice first or stop the unnatural screams coming from my cart. If I ignore the screams, will people know its my cart? Whats more embarrassing, screaming kids or bulging belly's sending an avalanche of juice down the aisle?

I bought green beans, because the picture of the Thanksgiving dinner in the paper showed green bean casserole. Not a single person in my family will touch green beans!

So this is just the shopping trip! How will I ever pull off the meal?

Memory Lane

This time of year always seems to lead me down memory lane. As a teenager I didn't date a whole lot. Once a guy gave me flowers and I didn't leave my house for 3 days for fear I would run into him! I loved romantic movies and looked forward to getting married one day, but I just wasn't sure about the "boy" part of it.

So in October of 2001, a friend loaded me into her car and drove me to meet a guy who she felt would be a good fun guy to hang out with. I didn't say 2 words the whole ten minutes we interacted. I went home and did my biology homework and later went to Homecoming with a group of girlfriends, had a blast, and was perfectly content with it.

A month later that guy called me. He asked if my sister and I wanted to see a movie with him and his friend. No I did not. But my sister did and being under 16 it was the rule that she could only group date.

So this guy wasn't really into the whole set-up thing either. He had driven around outside his house waiting for us to leave when he found out I was coming to meet him. A month later he was bored, so he asked a girl out on a date. She was busy, and having just moved back to the state, he didn't have very many options in girls at that point, so he figured he'd go with plan B and call up the quiet girl from a month before. It was better than sitting at home for another weekend playing that video game he had beaten twice already.

Now my mom really liked that questions like who turns their head which way when you kiss, kept me just paranoid enough to never try it, so she smiled and waved goodbye when we headed out the door confident that I would be changing my phone number the next day.

Well I didn't change my number and the day before Thanksgiving I decided to be ok with finding out who turned their head which way, and my mom was rather dismayed when flowers from a guy didn't make me hide in my closet, and my dad told the poor kid no the first time he asked to marry me, but somehow we found ourselves married, fighting over toothpaste brands, and parents to almost 4 boys just 10 years after that plan B date.

What doesn't kill ya can still come close!

I have discovered something this last week. Husbands are invaluable things to have around. Despite their annoying habits of leaving closet doors open, or mail on the clean counter, or mood swings during Sunday afternoon football, or insensitive comments about it being that time AGAIN, they really do contribute, even if only at times as another adult voice.

My husband is smack dab in the middle of a two week business trip; overseas; with no phone contact and very unreliable internet connection; with a young, long legged, blonde co-worker along for the ride. Combine this with an almost 8 month pregnant mommy of all boys experiencing minor stomach bugs, a snow day or two, Halloween with its mounds of sugar, a time change, and little irritants such as flipped breakers and lost keys, and you have half a neighborhood putting their houses up for sale.

The morning Kevin left, I got up with enough determination to take on the world; and then my kids got up and I am still trying to find what happened to all of that determination and good intent. I found myself saying so many times, "lets just not talk for the next 5 minutes". I threatened to tie everyone up if they kept fighting, and I let a kid in bed with me when he felt that 5am was a great time to get up. I even let M&M's be supper one night.

When Kevin skyped with us and in between broken connections said he had picked up a parasite and was really sick, I did feel bad for him. I wouldn't ever admit that the thought crossed my mind that at least he was miserable too! But when he told us about the chicken he had had for supper one evening that was crawling with bugs, I did genuinely feel a little bad sitting down to my bug free pizza.

The stories of cool places, and exotic food, and interesting people however have made me think that a girls day at the spa when he gets home should be in my future! One particularly difficult day, my oldest needed flowers for his teachers birthday, so I bought myself some as well!

Last week my oldest's piano teacher smiled in sympathy (because I refused to admit it might have been pity) when I forgot the check, the teacher sweetly kept her mouth shut when one kid showed up in a light jacket in the middle of a snow storm, the pizza guy didn't say anything about how many times he had been to our house in only a few days, and the Sunday school teacher reminded me that at least I got an hour of childcare while I was in church and was therefore worth wrestling everyone out the door by myself.

So far everyone is still alive! SCORE!

Highway character lessons

These days I find myself spending an incredible amount of time in my mini-van. I currently have two children enrolled in two different schools, one attending morning classes and one attending afternoon classes. I have a child taking piano lessons, groceries that require purchasing, and Church to get to every week. I have at least one family member heading to a doctors appointment every week, at least one child invited to a playdate or birthday party at any given moment, and book club, exercise class, or Bible Study just to keep my sanity. Just wait till basketball and swimming start back up!

As I have been spending more time in my vehicle, I am coming to realize that God is either trying to teach me something in the character department or truly does get his comic relief from watching me interact with the other great drivers of Colorado Springs.

I am proud to say that I have learned a few lessons recently.

Lesson 1: If you have a fish on your car I will do my best to stay far away from you, because you are probably driving 10 miles under the speed limit, come to complete stops, and graciously allow ever single driver in ahead of yourself. You will probably have a special place in Heaven along with those people who never lose library books, eat the recommended 12 servings of vegetables a day, and really don't talk on your phone in the carpool line at school. Yes, I realize you probably do all of those things as well.

Lesson 2: Girls just wanna have fun! There seem to be a lot of Coloradan girls out there who are young, have great hair, have an amazing talent to text and erratically weave, I mean drive, at the same time and apply makeup all behind the wheel of trucks with bumper stickers on the back mocking boys. The more I am on the road, the more I am astounded at the young female talent in our city!

Lesson 3: If there is a friendly officer on the side of the road reprimanding another fellow driver, everyone will slam on his breaks to avoid the inactive radar gun sitting in the back seat of the car with flashing lights just in case the officer magically guesses your speed and feels it is more important to abandon the 3 pages of paperwork he has just completed on the already stopped car in front of him, to track you down and give you what you've had coming for several miles now. Granted there may be a few ADD people who honestly forgot they were driving when they saw the pretty flashing lights on the side of the road and the gas pedal is the last thing on their mind at the moment.

Lesson 4: If you think I'm crazy on the road just wait! I have 4 boys who will eventually be allowed out on the streets with a scary little card containing their name and picture! I think I shall start a petition to up the age of legal driving to...oh 25.

Who shot Humpty??

When I was a kid, my mom sewed us these super cute dresses. She made these quilts which people bought for lots of money. She made the cutest cakes for our birthdays. My dad painted these awesome pictures. He could draw anything!

Last year in Micah's preschool class, these mom's would make these flowers and objects carved from fruit and amazingly detailed bunny's out of cupcakes for their kids' birthday's. Valentines day found these amazing homemade valentines in my child's basket, and at Halloween one mom admitted after thousands of compliments that yes she did make the amazing gypsy costume her daughter could have won awards it and was up at 6 to do her hair!

I tried to honor my mother by sewing one time, now my husband saves up his patching needs until my mom comes to visit. I tried drawing, my kids thought my dog was an alien. For birthday's I bought a giant cookie and had them write my child's name across it. For Halloween, my kids wear whatever costume I find on sale at Walmart.

This Monday Micah informed me that they were supposed to wear nursery rhyme costumes to school on Thursday, and I broke out in a cold sweat when I saw the words "homemade strongly encouraged" on the paper. Strongly encouraged is not mandatory and I was convinced that if I did try next years paper would read "homemade strongly encouraged, except for Micah's mom". My dear son had his heart set on Humpty Dumpty so I began scouring stores and websites for the perfect costume. It didn't exist, and with two days to go I decided I better start looking at EASY ways to make a costume, GULP.

I found some rather simple instructions and set out to find white sweats for my little broken egg character. No one in their right mind dresses little kids in white, therefore no one carries anything in solid white. After 4 stores and 3 screaming kids, 1 leaking diaper, and a husband who was muttering inappropriate language under his breath, I found white leggings....in the girls section.

I took Micah into the dressing room and tried on the white shirt with the leggings. All was good until he noticed the thin line of lace around the ankles. "What is that??" he hollered. "is this girls pants??" The store associate who had helped me locate them could be heard laughing hysterically outside the stall.

I hauled my howling son out of the dressing room and paid for the lacy leggings and listened to threats from my five-year-old about running away from home all the way to the house. I sat down right away with the T-shirt paint to fashion a little Humpty bow tie. Hmm maybe I could do this. My husband walked by and leaned over to look at my work, putting his arm right smack dab in the middle of the red paint, smearing Humpty's suspenders and making it look like he was shot off the wall instead of falling.

As I tried to quick wash out the extra red spots, I realized the manilla envelope I had put underneath was bleeding into the white shirt creating a yellow spot with a red center. Uh oh Humpty's yoke was spilling from his bullet hole! Kevin sweetly encouraged me saying "its really not that bad for your first time."

I gave up and went to bed.

This morning I wrestled my 45 pound child into the lacy egg white leggings while he insisted that everyone would laugh at him and he would not get out of bed tomorrow if I made him wear them.

Micah assured me that every picture of Humpty had him dressed neatly in blue pants so we gave it a try. Notice the much happier expression on my stubborn kids face.

I am sadly outnumbered in my vote for the white egg like leggings. Oh well at least my kid will have some sort of costume tomorrow along with the rest of Mother Gooses cuties. And hey, I got to shop in the girls section at Old Navy for once!

Expendable...um extended family members

Recently we hesitantly, tentatively, squeamishly, under much force of pleading, decided to expand our family. (Um no I'm not talking about the growing watermelon that has turned me into a small whale)

We inherited two female guinea pigs. Or as they have been most affectionately called by myself, freaky little rats.

I found myself having a conversation with Kevin a few days ago along these lines. Kevin: "hon I think the guinea pigs are hungry." Me: "really? I fed them like....oh 4 days ago." Kevin: "I think they have to eat ever day!" Me: "but they are little, they shouldn't have to eat so much!" Kevin: "Shell, you know that when the baby's born even though he's little he'll have to eat like every 2 hours right???"

I know nothing about these things except I probably should feed them more and they like to run around their cage at the most intense parts of movies and the darkest times of night.

My boys think they are the coolest! Micah will sit and hold them and pet them and talk to them and thinks its dumb that they have to have names like "sugar" and "honey" and has renamed them "Tom" and "Jerry". The other night I heard him laughing hysterically. I came out to find him crouched over the cage trying not to wet himself as he held his sides and doubled over. I asked him what in the world he was doing. He told me that if you only give them one carrot they chase each other and play tug of war with it. The squeals that were coming from them did not sound normal. Yeah I think we need to feed them more. This is now Micah's favorite feature of our new family members. That they fight!

Kyler loses interest pretty fast if they don't do something cool right away. He has discovered if you growl at them they go running to hide. They become much more interesting to him if he can catch them emptying their bowels. I am somewhat concerned about the number of times I have had to remind him that we cannot let them out of their cage to play hide and seek at will throughout the entire house, or the number of "what would happen if we put them....." questions I answer every day.

Caleb's approach to the little rodents is, "Lets see what else she'll eat!!" If it fits between those little wires, its fair game!! Legos, cd covers, cards, you name it! Recently my little explorer has discovered the amazing joy of watching things fly down the stairs. The bigger the object the faster and louder and bigger the hole in the wall at the bottom and he loves it! This particular cage is supported by wheels. The cage sits several yards away from the stairs, but that is not an obstacle for this determined experimenter. Fortunately I have always discovered the "maiden voyage" before it takes off.

These animals came to us from a very sweet family of older, calmer, quieter kids who would take the time to sit and pet and spoil them. Every once in a while I catch the "rats" looking at me, and I can't decide if its hunger or sheer terror that is staring at me through those beady little eyes. I really hope the people who entrusted us with their tender loving care never read this blog!