School Daze

Well it is that time of year again. Back to school!! I have read some really inspirational blogs on school shopping, and helping your kids get ready to go back to the classroom, and how to have a good attitude while looking for illusive school supplies and emptying your bank account on them. I do love those blogs and will continue to read them! However my school shopping experience was sorely disappointing in the inspiration departement.

Every year I dream of making school shopping an exciting and bonding adventure for the child getting ready to head to the classroom. I picture happy skipping children trying on uniform pants which are on sale of course, and new crayons going in the cart with looks of rapture on innocent faces. I picture browsing through stores and finding deals on new backpacks that leave me feeling proud of my good stewardship, and ice cream cones after finding every item on the school supply list, telling stories of my own school days to captivated little boys.

WHY DOES THIS NEVER HAPPEN??

My babysitter couldn't watch the two little ones, so all four boys accompanied me on our school shopping trip. I had school supply lists that, rolled out, could have wound their way through the store and out the front door! I had a baby who had green snot crusted all over his face and kept trying to climb out of the cart. I had a three year old that ate the first package of washable markers that I put in the cart. A fist fight broke out over a backpack. A argument started over who got the blue scissors, and an entire bin of glue ended up on the floor!

Each child required 3 packages of 500 count computer paper! If there are 25 kids in a classroom that's 37,500 pieces of paper!! Per classroom!! If Al Gore is looking for someone to blame for environmental issues, call the schools, not the SUV owners! What in the world are they going to do with all of that paper??

Of course they didn't have every item on the list. No way that would be way too easy and stress free! I find myself every single year missing a handful of items from the list. I hate that feeling when walking out after having been in the store for well over an hour, kids with black eyes, other kids crying, bank account in the negative, pushing three carts and knowing your not finished yet!

Every year I do the same thing too. I walk through the aisle that has all of the notebooks, hoping that the learn to letter one will be there this time. So what if it wasn't there the last 35 times you looked, so what if the manager has assured you that yes he did check in the back every time you asked and they really didn't get any in the 5 minutes since then. They have to have one somewhere right??

So we bought the crayons and the glue and the paper towels. We didn't have ice cream, we didn't swap stories, because even Mama was under a no talking order by the time we left the store.

Thank God for Amazon! I ordered the few items, and felt relieved that I was finally done; until I realilzed I had them shipped to my old house in Colorado.

And then Kevin called. I couldn't really understand his hysterical voice, but I got the impression that he had looked at the bank account and was sure my bank card had been stolen. I assured him that I had been school shopping. He insisted that that wasn't school shopping, it was a student loan payment for college! He grumbled about not needing ziploc baggies or kleenex when he went to school for the next several days. He insisted that the only reason any child needed 24 glue sticks, was because they were going to be eating half of them. I kept the wall of computer paper hidden in the back of my closet. I don't think I even want to know his opinion on that!

Meetups and Kitchen Tables

It might come as a shock to some, but I am a very outgoing person and I will use any excuse as a reason to get a bunch of people together! 

In Colorado, the fact that there was going to be a 2 hour window where it wasn't snowing in May was definitely call for a backyard barbecue! A good grade from one of my boys warranted a play date, and if anyone wanted to borrow a cup of sugar from me, they only did if they had time to spend the afternoon hanging out in my kitchen with me swapping recipes! I love loud chaotic bonding times perfect for creating memories!!

My dear husband would fall into bed exhausted after a birthday party where I invited every one I knew within a 100 mile radius. I on the other hand, had so much energy I cleaned the house from top to bottom afterwards!

And then we moved to Florida where I knew no one, and it never snowed, therefore every night was barbecue worthy!! I started to go a little stir crazy after about 45 minutes. 

Two weeks after we got here, Kevin and I went into a furniture store to buy a kitchen table. The young salesman who helped us seemed about our age. I found out he had a wife and two young kids. He seemed perfect! 

Kevin and I sat at a table in a corner and had a whispered conversation something like this.

"Lets ask him if he and his wife want to go to dinner!"

"Shelly, I promise I will never go out in public again with you, if you do."

"Why??"

"You don't ask your salesman that you have known for 5 minutes out on a date! That's weird!"

"Why is it weird? You have to meet people somehow."

"Well you don't pick up your furniture salesguy! I'm pretty sure its not in their job description! Oh hi, yes we are ready to check out. My wife just has to go to the bathroom. NOW!"

After we got in the car, I proudly held up the business card I swiped on the way out and threatened to call him later. Kevin told me if I did, I would have to find the other half of my double date, because he wouldn't be it!

I joined a mommy group I found online. It was a group specifically designed for mom's of boys and encouraged boys to be as energetic as boys are. I was thrilled, it sounded perfect!

It turned out this mom felt that telling her child no in any shape or form was developmentally harmful and detracted from the beauty of the immense energy contained in a boys body!

The 8 year old kept taking his clothes off, The 4 year old broke 3 separate toys in under 10 minutes, all over other children's head, and the mother was glowing! "Isn't it great that we can let our boys be boys together!!"

Liam climbed under the kitchen table soon after we got there and refused to come out! Micah hid behind me whispering in my ear that he would do all of the laundry if we would just leave immediately, and Kyler found it to be the greatest  joy in the world that the mother of these boys opened several boxes of cookies and encouraged him to continue eating them even after he had already consumed a whopping 10! This mom was also a fan of "boys' appetites". 

We decided not to do the online dating for friends anymore.

I have been banned from Kevin,s workplace, because I go around asking people if they have wives and kids and if they want to come over for dinner.

Thankfully, my amazing Colorado friends have used some of their new found free time upon my leaving the state to call and chat with me for an allotted amount of time ;-) I love getting the texts and Facebook messages letting me know I'm not forgotten! 

Here's hoping the mailman got my little invitation to dinner I stuck in the mailbox. Who knows, he could be our next lifelong friend!!

10 Years!

10 years ago today two tiny little kids got married. Despite my dad saying "absolutely not" the first time Kevin asked to marry his little girl, Kevin said I do and gave me his name. Despite his mother not approving of how I treated her baby boy, and wishing her son would marry anyone else in the world, I said I do and gave Kevin my forever.

On that day I stood at the alter in my white dress, makeup done and hair piled in curls with a little tiara, and felt immensely excited at the fairy tale I was living. I had my own tiny apartment waiting to be decorated, a honeymoon in Florida waiting to be experienced, and happily ever after wrapped with dozens of other gifts in the lobby. I was completely and totally in love!

 A few months later we argued about whose family we would spent 4th of July with, and then we argued over which house to buy, and then we argued over which family to be with at Christmas, and then we argued over which families advice to take or ignore, and then we got pregnant before we planned, and then we realized our already small income got smaller when half of it was used to buy diapers, and that tires didn't last forever. We realized Friday nights would now be spent watching Barney instead of going to the movies.

We watched a few incredibly hard years go by, and at the end of every one we were pleasantly surprised that we had lasted through! Our friends lost bets on when it would end, and the neighbors braced for another year.

Then one day we woke up and realized that forever was here even if it didn't hold tiaras and happily ever after every day. Even if we had more poopy diapers than money and some raised eyebrows at our unconventional life.

 Dear Kevin in a tux standing at the alter 10 years ago: joking about PMS is not funny after 3500 jokes. Yes, different shoes for every outfit is absolutely necessary. Buying tampons is most certainly part of your job description.Christmas music in July is not weird. A 5 hour shopping trip where nothing but socks was purchased, is indeed a successful trip! If she says nothings wrong, you have totally screwed something up! Drinking the apple pie instead of eating it when it wouldn't thicken and then complimenting her, is exactly why she married you! Holding her hand while she cried because even your pants wouldn't fit over her pregnant belly, is one of the most honorable things you will do. Laughing until tears run down your face with her is going to be one of her favorite memories. Listening to the things that get on her nerves even though you don't have the slightest idea why such silly things even matter, makes you prince charming. Sticking through the hardest years of your life by her side is the best form of commitment you could have. Being yours is what she wants to be the more than anything else!

 Dear Shelly in a white dress and tiara: It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you! If you keep trying to be what everyone wants you to be, you will most definitely go crazy, and he married you for who you are, so be that! Fishing is a serious thing and asking him to go home an hour before planned is like leaving before the kissing part of the chick flick! Jokes about the record setting losses by the Colorado Rockies is not even close to funny. He will never ever shut the closet door! He really will always figure out the percentage of milk left, the percentage of the road trip left, and the percentage of diapers he's changed. If he says nothings wrong, nothings actually wrong. He loves you with his whole heart, and even if he didn't hold your hand in the car today, it doesn't mean he loves you any less. No matter what you will face in life, he will face it with you! If you laugh at the frustrating inconveniences of life, he'll laugh with you and you'll have a memory instead of a fight. He's proud to call you his!

 Life doesn't look anything like I imagined it would ten years ago at the alter. I couldn't have imagined this kind of adventure and love and loyalty! I couldn't have imagined how incredibly hard the hard days would be and how they would shape us into an even better couple than I had originally planned. I couldn't imagine the surprises along the way, or the change in plans being the best things to ever happen, but they are.

I can only imagine where the next 10 years will take us, and I am sure I will look back at this day and laugh about how little I knew of what all we would become. I can't wait!

On the Road Again

People ask us all the time how we make so many road trips with all 4 of our kids. Well we recently decided to move to Florida, America's vacation destination, and live in a house big enough fo company; apparently we aren't as fond of the road trips as we appear to be.

Yesterday we were driving back from visiting my family in NC. It was a great weekend and we are so thankful for the 8 hour trip after driving 24+ hours one way over the last 7 years to see my family.

Everyone must have been suffering from PMS, because there was a lot of grouchy little faces in that van!

We made a pee stop because Caleb couldn't hold it a second longer. We got back on the interstate and literally 5 minutes down the road he was crying that he had to go number 2 now! (From the tears squeezing out his eyes and his panicked expression, we knew this was not a drill)

Someone, not going to name names here as that would just be rude, (NOT ME) suggested just putting him in a pull-up in the interest of saving a little time. We were hoping to stop in the next hour or so for supper and  it didn't seem economical to stop before that just use the bathroom AGAIN.

I helped him into a pull-up and settled back in my seat pleading with my oldest to stop asking me questions about how many planets there were, and what quantum physics was, and
how many presidents there were.

Finally we got off at the supper exit. We decided on Taco Bell. We pulled up to the drive thru order microphone and after arguing and changing minds and realizing we needed to also order Liam food, we placed our order. The lady came on and informed us that they were out of cheese, tomatoes and flat bread. Well at Taco Bell that pretty much limits your options to, well, a drink! We sat there for another 20 minutes discussing everything that had tomatoes and cheese in it, explaining that Taco Bell didn't make corn dogs, saying no to requests of 30 orders of cinnamon twists, ordering and reordering before I realized when I looked back at Caleb, that his seat was full of what he had filled his diaper with. I started gagging and reminded Kevin one more time to ask them to keep the re-fried beans OFF my burrito.
After we got our food we pulled into a parking spot to try and clean up the horrendous mess in the backseat with half of a package of wet wipes. We did rock paper scissors to decide who got the seat and who got Caleb, glared at each other as the stress level rose with the smell, and then got out of the van. We were viciously attacked by loud buzzing weird fly things, dive bombing at our heads!
Of course we were parked in a spot smack in front of the wall of windows of the restaurant and in front of a very busy street!
I started screaming and swatting at the flies. I lost my balance and to regain it without pummeling into the hard asphalt, I started taking awkward hops across the parking lot. I am terrified that a fuzzy cell phone video staring me and my little dance could surface on youtube! My older boys stared horrified at their screaming momma, ducking in their seats hoping that no one would see them. I don't think Kevin knew whether to hide too or throw poopy wipes at me, and poor stark naked Caleb started wailing that the flies were going to get him next. We were pretty impossible to miss in that moment.
It took a little while but eventually we were all in our seats again, nasty, cold, fast food handed out and headed down the interstate.
I took a huge bite of my burrito and started gagging. I had beans and orange sauce dripping onto my white T-shirt. I started motioning to Kevin to unlock the windows so I could roll mine down! he was very sympathetic, "No! No! Not on the van!!"
70 miles cruising through Georgia hanging out the window, I might surface on youtube yet again only this time I was trying to rid my body of every single bit of re-fried mush that had the same consistency and color of the mess I had just cleaned up!!
It was deathly quiet in the van for a little while, each of us traumatized by all that we had witnessed. I was eating my third little bag of fruit snacks that was now my supper, when I was suddenly struck with how crazy I must have looked flapping all over that parking lot with flies swarming me and I started laughing so hard we had to make another pee stop!
And that s how we do road trips! Anyone wanna come along???

Inspiration

So many times I will be facing a hard situation or an especially trying day and I will feel discouraged and frustrated. Its not always easy to remember how thankful I am for my life. I have gone through intensely trying times, and coming through them and looking back, I can say in all honesty that I am thankful for those time; that had it not been for those times, I wouldn't be who or where I am today.

I have been privileged to live life by some amazing and inspiring women who have given me a glimpse of how incredible hardship can be turned into one of the best things that ever happened!

My friend Kristen found out that her fourth baby was growing inside of her without legs or one of his arms. She could have done what a lot of people have done and decided to end her pregnancy and try again for a fourth family member, but she courageously chose to welcome her little blessing into her life fully trusting on God to provide and use this situation. Dylan just turned one, and you can't help but smile when you see his precious face. He is an incredible addition to this earth, and his mother and the rest of his family are amazing people for accepting the honor of being called his!

Check out their blog:
http://courageouslyenabled.blogspot.com

 A woman recently wrote to me about her story and asked if I would be willing to share about an incredible experience and probably the hardest thing any mother could face. Heather was diagnosed with cancer when her little girl was only 3 months old and she was given only 15 months to live. 

Her incredible perseverance and positivity saved her life, and gave her little girl her mommy back!

Her story is a testament to the power mom's have within themselves, and she is definitely an inspiration!

Check out her website!

http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather

My friend Carrie has been a friend of mine since high school. She got married around the same time I did and had kids around the same time I did. Her daughter proudly announces that she will be marrying Caleb some day! Carrie and her family are very very dear to us! At the beginning of the year her sweet baby Jackson, who she had been carrying for only 15 short weeks, went to be with Jesus. She was able to hold her baby weighing only ounces and see the incredible miraculous formation of a tiny human and has used that experience to share with the world no matter how tiny a human, a life is still a life. She has shared her story with men's groups, teenagers and singles and is excited about being used to share how incredibly precious life is.

Her family is participating this week in the Walk for Life, and if you want to sponsor them you can here!

http://www.ministrysync.com/event/website/?m=1336869

I love being inspired to be all I can be by watching other people be all they can be! I hope you were inspired as well!!

We Are Still Alive!

We are now residents of Florida! I gotta admit, we are loving it! We are learning lots of new things! Things like, we should probably make sure each kid has a bathing suit that fits if we plan on spending any time at the beach!

Things like, we gotta stop screaming swear words when we see these suckers, because exposing little ears that are learning how to talk to these words 10-15 times a day is going to end up embarrassing!

Things like, always look up when walking in the door!

And of course we are learning the best spots for relaxing after dinner are only a few minutes away!!

May 10th found us loading up our stuff until late at night. We ended up having to rent a trailer to haul a wall of boxes full of Kevin's entire kindergarten art work collection, his 4th grade baseball collection, and some questionably purchased CD's from decades ago so that we could drag this stuff over endless miles and then throw them away in a Florida dumpster. Kevin tends to keep everything, not excluding his pocket lint from his first day of 7th grade, and I tend to chuck anything not nailed down. As we were packing, Kevin was asking me where certain items were. "Hey Shell, where's the remote to the TV?" "Um I thought it was broken, and I threw it away." "Hey Shell, have you seen a bag of cords?" "Yeah, I didn't know what they went to so I threw them out!" "Hey Shell, I can't find my car keys!" "Oh I thought those were to the car you had five cars ago. I threw them in the trash."

Kevin discovered on the trip that took three very long and grueling and many pee stop filled days, that a woman doesn't need to be sitting in your passenger seat to help you drive!

I drove behind him in my mini-van, with a teething baby, a dog in heat, and lots of teeny tiny little bladders, and he led the way with the monster truck and no backseat fist fights. I would notice that his tire had crossed the little white line on the side of the road and freak out. Grabbing my cell phone I hit re-dial from when I had called him 1.3 minutes earlier.

"What's wrong??" "Nothing! Why?" "Your all over the road!!" "No I'm not! You try driving this big of a truck while looking at Facebook and see if you don't go over the line a few times!"

It was a rather.....bonding experience!

The second night, Kevin decided we needed to get through Atlanta before stopping. I was exhausted and it was dark and I had listened to the same Backyardigans movie 34 times through! 8 lanes of traffic full of cars going at least 20 miles per hour over the speed limit, my limited knowledge of the fine city of Atlanta from what I had seen on "Cops", and being flipped off 3 times, and a steady rain of bugs obstructing my view through my windshield, finally broke me. I called Kevin sobbing and begging for a hotel room. NOW!

But we finally reached the Florida line!! 

We are getting settled in and discovering scenic routes to get home from the store, and wiping a few tears at night when we miss our friends in Colorado. Overall I have nothing but gratitude for how well things are going. Adjustment has been smooth, though I am sure we are not even near done adjusting. As mom's we are always adjusting though right? I am definitely excited to see what this new chapter has in store for us, and I hope you all know that I am more than serious when I ask you to come visit!! We would love to share our little piece of paradise with you!!

Real Doubts; Real Proof

So I am writing yet another blog that may raise eyebrows and make some question my theology, but its whats happening in me right now.

This year, God has been really trying to get my attention! At the beginning of the year, I experienced his love in a way that I never had. It was incredible and really life changing for me. See the blog on my DR trip. Yes I admit that I have struggled with holding onto the enormity and realness of it sometimes, but I will be going about my day when all of a sudden I realize He is leaning down and whispering "I love you just because your you" in my ear, and I will be overwhelmed all over again by it!

After my incredible trip to the DR where I was knocked over with the knowledge of this incredible love, I came home, and though I probably wouldn't have said this, I felt like I would never ever let anything convince me that this incredible freedom in knowing I was loved wasn't all I had found it to be. All the time. No matter what I did or didn't do. No matter who said I was or wasn't. I was loved! 

It wasn't even a week before I found myself part of a conversation with someone who tried to convince me that I was not hearing God like she did nor did I even come close to being as accepted by Him like she was. I was left hurting and yelling defenses and ready to walk away from everything writing it off as yet another time I got it all wrong. But God gently reminded me that with this knowledge of his incredible love that could not be earned, people who had gotten a hold of that revelation stopped working themselves to death to gain an acceptance and love that they already had, and it kept them free enough to experience what God was wanting for them all along. Evil knew this better than we did, and would do anything to keep us from this awesome powerful freedom!

Like I mentioned before, there is sometimes a struggle to remember that I no longer have to work at finding his acceptance. I no longer have to perform. I no longer have to hate who I am. But every time I find that incredible place again, and I am floating from the enormous freedom, I get a tiny taste of Heaven and I resolve to spend more and more time in this place!

I have struggled with rejection and feeling unloved my whole life and now God is changing that. But he hasn't stopped there, and I must admit part of me feels a need to hurry up and learn it all so I don't have to be "taught" through my circumstances anymore. =)

All my life I have been taught to pray, because that is what Christians do. All my life I have struggled with prayer! I have such a long list of things I have prayed for that have either gotten worse, or not changed that I must admit I feel like its a pretty futile thing. Maybe just one more way to keep us busy or gauge how we are really measuring up as a Christian. One more guilt trip for other Christians to use to get us to do what they need in their ministries.Doesn't God already have everything planned out? So whats the point??

These last three weeks without my husband here make me wonder if maybe this isn't God's next lesson for me. 

A few days of these three weeks have been really hard. Those days, Kevin has mentioned frustration that those are the days he has spent extra time praying for me. My response in my heart has been, just stop praying because its making it worse!

Today something happened that caught me by total surprise. And here is where you will find out how simple I really am. =) I went to take Kyler to school. We hopped in, Caleb and Kyler were fighting, Liam hit me in the head with a shoe and I was so ready for school and nap time that I couldn't wait to  get out of the driveway.

I turned the key and nothing happened. I realized a light had been left on in the van and the battery was dead. I laid my head on the steering wheel. I didn't really pray. I just whispered something like "come on".

I started running through the options in my head. I could start knocking on neighbors doors to see if someone could jump start me, but I was facing into the garage and the other side was full of packed boxes. My husbands crooked, "I told you so look" filled my head and I defiantly turned the key again. It started. I grinned.

All the way to school I was bombarded with thoughts about things that have happened since Kevin left. The grandpa at Kyler's birthday party that caught the toddler falling down the steps and looked at my leaking kitchen facet. The babysitter who was already scheduled to babysit the whole day after I hurt my back so bad I couldn't pick up Liam. The furnace guy who patiently offered to change my filters for me, even though that was not part of his job. The vice principal who helped me get my kids in the car after school. The bag boy at the grocery store who took my boys over to ride the mechanical horse while I finished checking out. The doctor who took time to show me what to look for in appendicitis and give me a hug reassuring me that my son would make it.

These may seem inconsequential, but to a mom who is feeling hopelessly inadequate and enormously overwhelmed, they mean the world!

I realized that of course I'm going to feel more on the days my husband is praying for me, because just like with the power that comes from the freedom of knowing you are loved no matter what, having Kevin beating up demons and covering me in prayer makes me "untouchable"! That aint cool in Evil's mind!

I still don't understand prayer. I still wrestle with it. I know I still have a lot to learn about it, but I know one thing for certain, there is some pretty freaky power in having your spouse pray for you, and I don't doubt that for a minute. 

Thank you God for giving me a husband who will pray for me!!!

(The first time my husband prayed for me as his wife)